The Words From Heart 1

She's doing it again. Creating an issue, and keeping away from me. I don't know, maybe it's just my feeling that makes me feel so bad. But frankly, she's not the old her anymore thanks to time.

Maybe it was my fault too, for acting like we're a couple while we're not. It's funny how I think she's so into me while she's not.

So, from now on, I have to find my old me. The one who was strong enough to avoid falling in love easily with a girl. If she's not into with me, then why should i act like she is?

It's just that I'm feeling too lonely that results me to be so desperately finding someone. Someone who can always be there whenever I need. Just face it.

But deep inside my heart, I do believe that there's someone who has been destined to be with me. It's just the matter of of time before I could know who she is. So, if I have to forget her then i would.

Who Are You?

whatever i like
is not necessarily be what you love
what i say
doesn't need to be what you think
and what i do
has got nothing to do with you

when i was in pain
were you there?
when i was struggling
were you even looking?
when i was crying
were you listening?
no, you weren't.

you're up there in the sky
and I'm still here on the land
but when you're back on the earth
should i bury myself down
just to make you feel higher?
no, i won't

i just wanna live
with love and peace
let me be who i am
because it's just the matter of time
before my life comes to an END

eagerly waiting for......

yes, it's been month since i wrote something on you, Mr. Blog. It's not that i forgot about you, i'm just terribly busy with so many things that i have to ignore you for a while. Now that i'm here, let me tell you what's new in my world.

Well, so many things have happened to me in past few months. And recently, i'm eagerly waiting for my new baby, a new ride. Expected to deliver in 1-2 weeks period, i hope it will take me closer to my Creator, not the other way around.

And the good thing is that we've moved back to TRJ, leaving the lonesome Merbok and it's residents. I'm happy that we're living in such great caring community. Hope it's the best for us, especially my family. My nieces, they are among the greatest gift and blessing from Allah and may Allah guides us raising them up.

May He guides me to the right path.. ameen.

The Temporary Calmness

Alhamdulillah..
Things are getting better for me recently. Everything runs smoothly as planned, with only some little problems here and there. Well, that's normal to have problem, isn't it? Life is more colorful with problems and trouble.

I'm so glad with this situation right now, even though i know it's not going to last for long. Because in this real life, everything come and go. Nothing's gonna last forever. If you're sad, the sorrow doesn't last forever, and if you're happy, the joy won't last for long. That's the reality of life.

I realize that I better learn how to overcome those troubles instead of getting in them. With Allah's will, I believe everything is possible. He knows what's the best for me, and I hope for His bless to come over to me.

I've never thought of having what i have right now, even though nothing much, but I'm very thankful to The Almighty for everything. I might be not a rich, good looking, gorgeous and super smart person, but I've been given a heart and mind to justify what's good and bad for me. That's an invaluable gift for me.

I miss him

Lately I've been spending my times thinking about him. I'm missing him, so much. I still can feel his presence in our life, just like he's only out for work and will be back home in the evening. I can still hear his voice inside my ears. His smile lingers in my eyes.

But the matter of fact is, he's too far away from us by now. And there's nothing I can do to keep him back to us. I can only pray for his peace and Allah's blessings upon him.

He was always there when I needed help and raising me up when my world was going down. He's more than just a brother. He was a father, a friend, a leader.

I really miss his words, motivating me to go through every trouble with calm. We used to went through troubles together. Being with him made it easier when life gets hard. He knew how to make people smile. Anything he said, never something to irritate others. His dream was big, to make everyone that he knows happy.

Now I have to face this fate that he's gone, forever. All I can do is just keep on praying for him. May peace and Allah's blessings be with him.

WHEN...

When she seems to keep away from me
When her song doesn't sound as good anymore
When the melody of our song disappeared with the wind
When there's no more cheerful good morning wishes
When my nights seem to be lonesome and dull
When my phone tend to be quiet all day long
When my messages doesn't get any reply
When I try to put up with it and failed
When I feel that she needs me no more

That's when I know she's just a dream
A beautiful nightmare that I never wanna wake up from
But the nature of dream is, it comes and goes easily
When the sun smiles and the moon falls asleep
The dream left to be just a memory
Then the memory stand alone all on itself
And vanished when the days come and go

And I am just a dream
And a dream never last for long

DO I NEED TO BE IN LOVE?

Sometimes I am wondering too much about LOVE. For a guy at my age, most people would say that I should have a girlfriend-a very typical way of thinking. And some of them says that it's kind of abnormal not to have one. Some even accuses that I am a gay, just because I don't have a girlfriend. Whoa, that's too much i guess. The question is, do I really have to have one? Well, I have no answer for that..

I am currently getting somewhat close to a very best female friend, but I'm not sure if that's love. I have to admit that I feel nice and cozy chatting with her as she knows me really well. I tell her my problems and she tells hers to me too. I feel that she is who I belong to be with. But that's just my poor instinct's wishful thinking. I do feel happy, but is that love?

I don't want to get stranded alone in the jungle called love. What if she doesn't really like me? And the most important thing is, I have promised myself to try to avoid getting in love matter before I find someone who really loves me. I have a faith that my destiny is in God's hand. So, I would prefer just to let it comes naturally to me when the time is here.

But sometimes, I tend to get confused between my instinct and my principle. I want to stand on my principle, but at the same time have a feeling to love and be loved. May Allah leads me to the rightest path of life..